My beautiful, wonderful mother, my only mother, my dear, sweet, kind mother passed away yesterday, the pain is inexplicable. It is so raw. I can’t stop weeping, wailing, rocking my feelings out and it keeps coming. Images of my mother keep flooding through my mind’s eye and with each one brings another storm of waves. They are of the deepest, deepest yearn.
These are feelings that have no words; they are only momentary connections to her that are etched in my memory.
All my life I wondered what this moment would feel like and now I know. Nothing could have prepared me for these storms. They are torrential downpours in the way they flood me,
I feel like a hole has been ripped out where my heart was. She is the only one that can fill that hole for right now. Oh God, I want so much to feel her touch once again, her cheek against mine, lips to her lips, my fingers wrapping around her tiny hands.
This is what raw grief feels like. and we will all have to feel this at once time or another. It doesn’t matter what our previous relationship was. It all goes away and is replaced by the kindest, gentlest emotions
I don’t know if my words mean anything to you. They are just mine but I feel they come from a universe of feelings that are somehow shared by everybody.
I do believe that my mother is in a beautiful place spiritually and it gives me solace, yet I am left behind with a hole in my soul. I believe time will fill in this hole and I have faith that at this turning point, good things are going to happen as I have faith in the universe.
Well, that’s all for now.